Friday, February 29, 2008

wanted: balance

Argh, I wish my life were more balanced. It seems that these days, I either have a billion things going on or NOTHING. And oddly enough, NOTHING can make me more anxious than EVERYTHING. Well, it's not that I have absolutely nothing. I performed Berio's "ricorrenze" this Tuesday evening with my quintet, I had a lesson yesterday with a particularly wonderful member of the Los Angeles Philharmonic, and I have an audition on Monday and church gig on Sunday. But I haven't had orchestra rehearsal, which is what my life usually revolves around. My time has been completely unstructured, which is great once in a while, but it's difficult to stay focused and motivated with no routine or schedule. I only have one student since the other has opted out of lessons for a while, and he wasn't home for his lesson on Wednesday. I've been at home a lot, which is nice because I haven't had to drive, but I get cabin fever. I'm bored of running, and I want a bike. I tried to go out and get one today, but the local Sears doesn't have them, and the bike store only had super fancy ones. I just want something simple to ride to the beach. And my mother doesn't want me to get one because she knows lots of people who've been in bike accidents. I try to reassure her that the ride to the beach is on a smaller road with a bike lane, but I'm sure she's picturing me driving on the 10 or something. Anyway, I'm restless and this extra time has just allowed me to start thinking about the summer and next year and the rest of my life and start to FREAK OUT!!!! Oh well, soon this little empty time will be over and I'll have rotation in school and Debut and AYS and a recital and I'll be longing for a break, but right now, I just wish things were a little more even. Better go practice.

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