Sunday, March 4, 2007

must destress

I've been stressing too much, so this morning is my morning to chill out so that I can face the next few weeks. Buffalo is freaking me out, since I spent so much money on plane tickets I feel like I need to prove something now. I shouldn't look at it that way, I know. It's a good way for me to start doing auditions and to see what they're like and figure out the best way I can deal with them. It's an opportunity. But still, it's stressful. I wonder if that mysterious little rash on my arm is stress-related. Otherwise I can't figure out where it's from.

The exam for my Vienna class looks to be impossible, since the class is so unstructured I have no clear idea of what anything is or what exactly will be on it. The Bach cantata should be beautiful if I can just keep calm and enjoy it, and if my reeds pull through. Sometimes I hate it when people compliment me, because then I have something to live up to. I should probably look at the Debut music, too.

OK, if I can just get through til next Tuesday, I can relax for a few days before my next adventure, planning a recital. With no clear idea of where it will be (thanks USC) and only a vague idea of when it will be. Not even sure what will be on it yet. But it needs to happen by the end of April. And still no idea of summer plans. In undergrad I had a plan, I knew I would be there in one place for five years, and then I would do grad school. Now it seems as if no portion of my life is stable for longer than a few months. It's frightening.

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